This is the fourth article in a of a series of blog posts sharing favorite self-care practices aimed to recharge, de-stress, balance work/home energies, and realign priorities.
Have you ever had a day in which the desire to connect with
a perfect stranger, like a store clerk or the person standing next to you in the
grocery check-out line, just hits you so strongly that when you only have the normal mundane
exchange the social situation generally allows, you are left feeling like you’ve missed a chance at sharing something important?
I remember once going through a fast-food drive-through, and
the young girl who took my money had this defeated look on her face, even
though she went through the polite motions of “hello, please, thank you” as she told
me my purchase total and gave me change. I had this incredible urge to know what was
troubling her and do something to take it away, to show loving-kindness, to connect by way
of empathy and humanity. I hesitated
after she handed over my coins, trying to find the words to express myself
without just coming across like a crazy person.
I was at a loss; I put the car into drive and left her window. This moment comes back to haunt me sometimes. I wonder what I should have
said, if it would have meant anything to her, and if it even mattered.
I felt this way today too, as I meandered through the Salem
Saturday Market. I spent some time
talking to a woman selling small-batch drinking vinegars and to a mother
with a baby strapped to her back and a toddler by her legs selling soaps and
lotions alone at a booth. I felt this
draw to connect on a deeper level with them, to learn about and share in their
struggles, to sit down over coffee with them and hear their stories roll out of
their mouths like casino slot machine reel strips spin endlessly in rows of
cherries, sevens, and dollar signs. I wanted to hear everything. I wanted to ask them everything. But instead I spent over $30 on products I
really didn’t actually need, but made me feel better about leaving their booth
without telling them that I loved them as people, and the universe has good things in
store for them, and that they made an impact on my life in a way I still don’t
know how to express even as I am writing it out.
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| Activated Charcoal Soap and Basil Drinking Vinegar I purchased at the Saturday Market today. Things I didn't need (except that I kind of did). |
This strong desire to connect with strangers hits me occasionally and started before
I can remember, but I most often experience this when I am feeling slightly
off-my-game myself. Maybe I’m
experiencing a slight twinge of sadness of my own, maybe the sun seems a little
too bright that day or the clouds a little too dark, or I’ve spent too much
time alone. What I find interesting
about this, is that my strong desire to show love and caring and compassion to a
complete stranger comes up more often when I actually could stand to receive a
little love and understanding myself. I’ve thought about this, and my
conclusion is that showing love to someone else is really also a practice in
self-love and self-care as well. I think
my heart was trying to heal itself, if only I would recognize it.
We get so stuck in our small-minded worlds that we don’t
always consider the fact that other people live complete and
multi-faceted lives with problems and joys of their own. We tend to forget that it’s not us against
the world, that we are only a small fraction of a very large whole of many people
all dealing with the same kinds of battles with loneliness, feelings of a lack of
understanding, or a desire for love. We feel so separate. We fight for our own happiness, but forget to
or even run away from fighting for our neighbors' happiness, thinking somehow there isn’t enough happiness to go around. We divide instead of group together, we make
battles amongst ourselves instead of joining to fight the common enemy, we don't always realize that what we give to others is
also what we can expect to go around and come back to ourselves.
Listen- We all need love.
We all need care and compassion and a chance to be understood. I really believe that giving love is also a way to
receive it. Love doesn’t leave us out of an exit door when given nor does it
come through a one-way entrance when received -- Love is a revolving door.
- - - - -
I hope that the next time I get an uncannily strong urge to
connect with a stranger that I listen to it.
I hope I speak up, or shed a tear, or tell them that I notice their
humanity, even if it makes me seem weird or overly-friendly as I often fear. I encourage you to share love with strangers in your own way as well. What a wonderful place it would be, if we all gave each other a little more compassion and kindness.
In the meantime, I’ve discovered a way I can combine one of
my favorite self-care practices of meditation/prayer with a specific way to
also acknowledge and wish well to these strangers that are on my heart. Metta Bhavana is a Buddhist meditation practice that
gives the participant a chance to consider four different people (themselves,
someone they deeply care for, someone they feel neutral about such as a stranger,
and someone they have a hard time with) before expanding to thinking of all
humanity and to create a space of love for all of these individuals. The name for this meditation is from the Pali
language, and the Buddhist Centre website explains that, “Metta means
‘love’ (in a non-romantic sense), friendliness, or kindness: hence
‘loving-kindness’ for short. It is an emotion, something you feel in your
heart. Bhavana means development or cultivation.”
If you are interested in practicing a loving-kindness meditation yourself, I recommend checking out these guided meditation recordings:
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